|| And the day has come.. ||
And today was the day we were supposed to collect back our results. It's like doomsday approaching and there's absolutely nothing you can do to get something good out of it. If its good, its good. If its bad, its bad. So I was awake in the morning and couldn't stop thinking about it. Was filled with anxiety and anticipation, like the kind of situation where you wouldn't have any clue what was coming next. Would it be smiles and laughter? Or would it be rain and thunder?Went to school to have lunch with my baby, and she tried her best to keep my spirits up. But alas, when its a negative feeling, it transmits and influences easily, like oil seeping out of a deep fried chicken at KFC. (I know, bad analogy. >.<) She too was worried about her mother tongue paper result. Oh well. When it comes down to results, its the most dreaded. (Unless you've been doing AAA all year round for 2 years, like someone whose name I shall not mention =x)
We went back to school after lunch at fish slice noodles(yum!) and proceeded to squeeze in the hall. The statistics shown at the start of the whole ceremony was pretty impressive(or at least to me), but I know that statistic doesn't help much when it comes down to the individual level. (192 out of 900 odd students, close to a thousand, got 3 distinctions and above. Its like, 1 in every 5 student got AAA+++) Anything could happen with your own results, that I knew.
They started mentioning names and grades, and before long the 'name calling' session began. The highest scorer was Jun Wei and he got a total of 7 distinctions. My my. =/ Soon the total number of distinctions fell and the number of names called increased. All the while I was sitting there, hoping for something good to come out of this. It went from 7 dist.s to 6 to 5 to 4 and finally to 3.
I was literally shaking when they were calling out those who scored 3 distinctions, as I was half hoping that they would call me, and not call me. I didn't want to hope for too much lest I disappoint myself even more, yet neither did I want to look down on myself to that extent. And finally, they reached 05S3E, the class I'm from. And unmistakably, I heard the familar ring of my name as the tutor called out the first person.
I instinctively stood up, not feeling much emotions but simply following the pattern observed so far(name called, stand up, proceed to stage to collect result slip) since it has been roughly an hour we were all sitted on the floor. I approached the stage, excitement building up while feeling all the pressure loosen inside me. As I shook the principal's hand and took the photo, I thought to myself : "Wow. I can't believe this."
And all the more do I have reasons for that. Ever since I entered NYJC and started my JC life, never did I once score an A. All along it had been Es, Ds, Cs, or maybe a B. Only for the Prelims did I managed to fluke out a 'barely-made-it' A for physics. And it's pretty demoralising when you look back at your own result and try to predict your next one. The pattern is obvious. No As, maybe a dash of B and a handful of C, D, Es.
As I was getting off the stage, I managed to get a grip on myself. I realised that I had just made it and achieved what I wanted. Not to mention a B3 GP to boot. Sure, AAA + B3 may not be the best of results in the eyes of others. Its easy to see how AAAA + 2 S paper Dist. easily shadows my grades. But to me, its my very best and its what I've worked hard for the past 2 years for. It's more than just a result, it's my very goal and aim.
After that whole ordeal was over, I could relax. Finally. The whole 'butterflies in your guts' feeling and sweaty palms and anxiety built up in your whole body is no more. It's an extremely huge burden off my chest and shoulders. At least for now, I know that I won't have a problem with enrollment. And I still can't believe I can actually call myself a 'straight As' student now. xD
My family and my baby were happy for me, as well as my friends from NYJC. (Ya, choirmates, classmates, schoolmates.) I too was very happy for myself. Honestly, things turned out to be so good that I don't really believe its actually happening. =X But I guess it is indeed what it is. And it's something I will treasure with me! The experience of getting to walk the stage and not hear a single clap nor cheer. The sight of my AAA grades printed on a result slip with my full name on it. The handshakes and congratulations I get from my friends. And not to forget, the meaning of my results. xD
It has been a wonderful day for me, and I had fun. Lots of fun. (: Thanks to all who congratulated me. I appreciate it!
Til then.!
the promise* was set at 1:55 am
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